Chad tried calling Jeff, but he usually doesn't answer unless I am calling him during work hours, so I told Chad I would let him know. I called Jeff and gave him the news and then he just sat there silent for a few seconds. When he finally spoke he said "Is it bad that I truly do not have any feelings about that? Does that make me a bad person?" Knowing the history they had, I cannot say as though I blame him. His father was never around when they were growing up, was in and out of the picture until he was 3-4 years old and then not at all really after that. He said he could count on 2 hands how many times he's seen him in the last 44 years, which is really sad. Even more sad is the fact that he's never lived more than 30-45 minutes from Jeff and his siblings, and never made an effort. I also let Jeff's sister know the news and she pretty much had the same reaction. She said she had no tears for the man and the only things she was sad about was that fact that he never got his life together enough to be a dad to any of them.
Tammy and Jeff talked for a while about it last night and both of them decided they would not be going to the viewing or the funeral. Jeff even said he would give it until this morning to see if he might change his mind, but today he feels the same way. He said he just didn't feel right showing up there to pay his respects and put on an act that would make everyone think that he had been a good father to him. He said he feels like this was just a guy he knew, someone he met in passing. I agreed with Tammy when she said that he knew for a couple of weeks that he was on his death bed and if he wanted to make amends or having anything to do with them, that would have been the time that he could have made some sort of effort or even apologized. The fact that none of them even knew of his condition these past few week just seems to speak volumes about the relationship they had. Jeff said it was always a relationship of broken promises and disappointments.
I have to say that I think it was probably for the best that he was never in the picture. Because of that, Jeff, Tammy and Stacey were raised and taken care of by a man that has always treated them as they were his own. Ken married Jeff's mom when Jeff was 5 and has been there ever since. He didn't have to do anything he has for them over the past 40 years and I think it speaks volumes to the type of man he is. I believe Jeff is the dependable, hardworking guy he is today because of his Dad.
So my question is, what kind of memories will you leave behind for your kids, family or friends? I know that none of us are perfect, we all have our faults. But when your day comes, what will those left behind have to say about you? What kind of impact did you leave on them? I would never want my kids to question whether or not I was worthy of them paying their respects to me. My heart hurts in knowing that Jeff will never have the chance to really know the person responsible for him being here, the one that should have been his provider, protector and put him above all others. On the flip side though, I take comfort in knowing that there was a MAN willing to fill those shoes, pick up those pieces and take on that responsibility. He has earned every right to be called DAD. Thank You Ken for being the man you didn't have to be!
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