November 21st, 2012 was supposed to be a start to a great vacation. After every 5 years with my company, they give me a 4 week sabbatical (a paid, 4 week straight, no work vacation), and my turn came up in September. I was originally going to wait until the following summer and take a couple weeks, go to the beach, sit with an umbrella drink in my hand every single day and do nothing but relax. In February 2012 though, I had found out my grandfather was diagnosed with terminal Stage 4 lung cancer and given 6 months to a year to live. So, I decided to take my sabbatical from Thanksgiving through Christmas so I could spend what was probably going to be his last holidays with him.
So November 21st (day before Thanksgiving) Jeff and I woke early, with the car already packed, and headed out for our 12 hour drive to NY. It was waaayyy earlier than I wanted to be awake, but I was excited for the trip and knowing this was my start to weeks without work and time with my family!
At about 8:30 my dad called us to check in. He was asking how the ride was going, making small talk, and then he let me know my grandfather was in the hospital in ICU. He apparently had pneumonia in his good lung. Accoring to my dad it "didn't look good", but I never know how to take that with my dad. Half the time he says that about my grandparents and when I see them they are buzzing around all over the place. So I thought to myself "he is in the hospital, everything will be fine. We will be up there later tonight and we can go see him there if need be". Jeff and I stopped about an hour later, got gas, something to eat and stretched our legs a bit, then off we went again. About 11 a.m. my dad calls again and I knew the instant I answered the phone that it wasn't going to be a good phone call. It is one I will never forget it as long as I live. He said "Hey" and I replied back "Hi" and he just said "we lost grandpa"...just like that..
I was so relieved that Jeff was driving because I just lost it. I was devastated, mad, confused and whatever else you could feel, all at the same time. Devastated I lost one of the closest people to me, one of the people that helped raise me, that I went fishing with, worked on 4-H projects with, gardened with, watched work in the garage all hours of the day. The guy who was either going 90 miles an hour, or taking a nap on the couch and talking to himself in his sleep. The man that would sneak over to my dads house when he wasn't there so that he could play with his dog and give treats to him. I was mad at God for taking him from me, that he couldn't just wait a little longer for me to get up there and let me hug him, tell him I loved him just one more time, mad that I couldn't spend my month with him one on one like I had planned to. I felt I got gyped of memories that I could have made with him. I was confused because days earlier he seemed to be doing just fine. Don't get me wrong, I was relieved he was no longer in pain and I knew he was in a better place, but I was a jumble of emotions. I wanted to be there more than anything for my grandmother, I knew she was hurting. They were married for 59 years, together more than 60, and for the first time ever she was alone. I knew my aunt and uncle who live here in Georgia were probably feeling some of what I was and wishing they were there. My heart also hurt for my dad and aunt who were at the hospital with him when he passed and I couldn't imagine how they felt. I was beating myself up with the "what-if's"...What if I had flown up? What if we left a day earlier? I just wanted to be in NY and I wanted to be there NOW!
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