For two weeks before that our family sat by her side, after the doctors claimed there was nothing they could do for her, and we waited for her time to come. I have to say it was a mixture of emotions, all at the same time...every single day for 14 days. Sadness that she would no longer be here. Happiness that she was finally getting her wish to be with Grandpa, as I believe her soul truly died the day he did. Pissed off that we were told she only had a matter of maybe 2-3 days and then we watched this God fearing woman go through what she did for 2 long weeks. Helplessness that we couldn't make things better for her, praying everyday that that day would be the day for her. Relief she wouldn't have to live on her own anymore, scared of every noise and not being able to sleep. Emptiness thinking about what the future days, months and years would be like without her here.
Even going through all those emotions, I felt a weird, calming sense of peace. I was at peace because I could be there with her. I got the chance to tell her what I wanted, to thank her for everything she did for me all my life. I was at peace because she got to make the decision to go, to not have any more procedures and testing done, to not be poked and prodded on. Even though she was not the same woman from a few months before, she was still 100% in her right mind to tell us what she wanted, and what she wanted was to go 'home'. I was at peace because she finally quit doing what she thought WE all wanted her do to and finally realized we wanted whatever she wanted.
April 16th was the only day we had left my grandmother by herself for any amount of time and I think that is what she was waiting for...she didn't want us to be there when she left this world. We received a call from the nurses at the hospital saying they thought it was almost time and to hurry. My dad only lives maybe 10 minutes from the hospital by way of back roads that you would be lucky to even see another car on. Well, on this day there was a wreck and then we were caught behind an ambulance all the way to the hospital. We all got to the room maybe 2 minutes too late, she was already gone. April 16th also happened to be the birthday of my brother's son, Cal, who is the only grandchild my grandmother never got the chance to meet. She had made comments about the fact she would never get to see him and wished she could get better to hold him. On my way to the hospital I received a text from my husband with a picture of Cal at his birthday party...it was sent 1 minute before the time of death the hospital had put down for her.
I'd like to think that ray of sunshine is her looking down on him, celebrating his birthday with him...finally getting to see him and wrap her arms around him.
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