Final Resting Place

Grandma and Grandpa always planned to be cremated, then they wanted their ashes mixed together and to be buried, next to Grandma's mom and sister in the corner of the family cemetery under the shade...but grandma "didn't want to be in the dirt with the bugs". I don't think she realized how difficult it was going to be to make sure she wasn't in the dirt, but also be buried haha. I was under the impression that when headstones are made, that they had urns or something to place ashes in. Yeah, definitely not the case. They can make a hole in the base for the headstone to place ashes in, but only big enough for one person's ashes. I was told to make one big enough to hold ashes for two in the center would compromise the structure of the stone and cause it to crack, or they'd have to make two separate holes on each end for two urns. I had a hard time with the second option since they wanted their ashes together...we weren't willing to mix them together and then separate them into 2 containers. I mean, granted it is their ashes, but I felt like we'd have body parts of Grandma/Grandpa on one side and the rest of their bodies on the other. It just wasn't happening. So, I finally found a place to understand what exactly we wanted and he offered a solution. He said he always comes out to pour a concrete slab to place the base and headstone on and that he could leave a pocket big enough for their 'urn' in the slab and then seal it up once the headstone was placed on top...this way it was sealed from the elements, they'd be buried together, Grandma wouldn't have to worry about bugs and we wouldn't have to worry about her haunting us :)

Next was choosing the design for the headstone. We knew Grandma mentioned wanting a heart shaped stone, but that was about the extent of the arrangements we knew of. We all wanted what we thought they'd both want, but not knowing what exactly that was proved to be difficult. Trying to get with their 4 kids and getting a design drawn up with everyone ideas was even worse. I might have had a mini meltdown on the guy designing/making the headstone when I was told we'd be charged for any further changes after we weren't happy with the 2nd proof we were sent...needless to say, in the end everyone got what they wanted with no extra charges!

Everyone settled on the date of July 16th for the Memorial service, which happened to be exactly three months since Grandmas passing. Jeff and I drove up a couple days before hand to get everything set up and help dad out as much as we could. Although he didn't say it, I knew everything was especially harder for him. He lived up there 2 minutes from their house, he was there for everything during grandpa's final months, took grandma to all of her appointments, took her back and forth between the hospital, rehab and home, was there to witness the gradual decline in her health since grandpas passing. He was the one arguing with the doctors, demanding for them to figure out what was wrong with her, when the only solution they wanted to offer him was "she was just getting old". He was handling taking care of her house, paying the bills, talking with lawyers, insurance companies, etc. All this while working full time, taking on part time work here and there, trying to take care of his own house and bills. I wish I was able to be up there the whole time to help take some of the work off his shoulders. He truly takes on more than he should!

The day for the Memorial came and it was perfectly Grandma. The kids (Dad, Uncle Rich, Aunt Jill and Aunt Carrie) wanted all four of them to be together when Grandma and Grandpa's ashes were mixed, so I suggested doing it on the back on the Lil' Red Express. I think it was truly a moment they needed together for some final closure...and I know Grandpa and Grandma would have loved it. Then they all 4 piled in the Lil' Red, hanging on to Grandpa and Grandma, and drove up to the cemetery.

We had a graveside service for immediate family only, with a cookout at dad's for other family and friends afterward. When we showed up at the cemetery, the Pastor wasn't there yet, but we didn't think much of it...until he still wasn't there 15-20 minutes after it started. So we had my cousin, Houston, say some prayers instead. Part way through it, the pastor comes flying up the road blowing the horn, dumps his wife out, parks and starts apologizing saying that the post office gave him wrong directions...totally something Grandma would have found hilarious and probably had something to do with up there. I think she just wanted to put Houston on the spot and listen to him talk for a bit. My Aunt Janelle and Aunt Sis (grandma's sister) brought some white carnations, passed them out to everyone and as some people walked up and said a few words about them both, they laid the flowers at their stone. I had a millions things running through my head on what I would like to say about them, but I am not a public speaker AT ALL and knew I wouldn't get through 2 words without a meltdown. I waited for everyone to walk out, I sat and said part of my piece to them.

 

The stone has "59 Forever" in the top left corner as that is our family number, a red cardinal on the top right since Grandma loved birds and always said a cardinal was a sign that a departed loved one was near, it has 2 rings in the middle with their wedding date, then their names/dates on either side of that.

 

Once we left the cemetery, we went back to dad's house and prepared for the cookout. They had quite the turnout of family and friends. We had video playing of their pictures, asked for people to write down their favorite memories of them and let them take home some Forget-Me-Nots it memory of grandma. I thought they were fitting for her because she loved blue and loved her gardening.

 

 



It was great seeing everyone get together again. We especially loved all the "old timers" sitting around the table, telling stories about all the trouble they got into together and watching the younger generations just soak it all in.

I'm sure I speak on the behalf of our entire family when I say "Thank You" to everyone that came to remember them, to all of you that were always more than friends to my grandparents. They considered each and every one of you as family and we are extremely grateful for you!