Final Resting Place

Grandma and Grandpa always planned to be cremated, then they wanted their ashes mixed together and to be buried, next to Grandma's mom and sister in the corner of the family cemetery under the shade...but grandma "didn't want to be in the dirt with the bugs". I don't think she realized how difficult it was going to be to make sure she wasn't in the dirt, but also be buried haha. I was under the impression that when headstones are made, that they had urns or something to place ashes in. Yeah, definitely not the case. They can make a hole in the base for the headstone to place ashes in, but only big enough for one person's ashes. I was told to make one big enough to hold ashes for two in the center would compromise the structure of the stone and cause it to crack, or they'd have to make two separate holes on each end for two urns. I had a hard time with the second option since they wanted their ashes together...we weren't willing to mix them together and then separate them into 2 containers. I mean, granted it is their ashes, but I felt like we'd have body parts of Grandma/Grandpa on one side and the rest of their bodies on the other. It just wasn't happening. So, I finally found a place to understand what exactly we wanted and he offered a solution. He said he always comes out to pour a concrete slab to place the base and headstone on and that he could leave a pocket big enough for their 'urn' in the slab and then seal it up once the headstone was placed on top...this way it was sealed from the elements, they'd be buried together, Grandma wouldn't have to worry about bugs and we wouldn't have to worry about her haunting us :)

Next was choosing the design for the headstone. We knew Grandma mentioned wanting a heart shaped stone, but that was about the extent of the arrangements we knew of. We all wanted what we thought they'd both want, but not knowing what exactly that was proved to be difficult. Trying to get with their 4 kids and getting a design drawn up with everyone ideas was even worse. I might have had a mini meltdown on the guy designing/making the headstone when I was told we'd be charged for any further changes after we weren't happy with the 2nd proof we were sent...needless to say, in the end everyone got what they wanted with no extra charges!

Everyone settled on the date of July 16th for the Memorial service, which happened to be exactly three months since Grandmas passing. Jeff and I drove up a couple days before hand to get everything set up and help dad out as much as we could. Although he didn't say it, I knew everything was especially harder for him. He lived up there 2 minutes from their house, he was there for everything during grandpa's final months, took grandma to all of her appointments, took her back and forth between the hospital, rehab and home, was there to witness the gradual decline in her health since grandpas passing. He was the one arguing with the doctors, demanding for them to figure out what was wrong with her, when the only solution they wanted to offer him was "she was just getting old". He was handling taking care of her house, paying the bills, talking with lawyers, insurance companies, etc. All this while working full time, taking on part time work here and there, trying to take care of his own house and bills. I wish I was able to be up there the whole time to help take some of the work off his shoulders. He truly takes on more than he should!

The day for the Memorial came and it was perfectly Grandma. The kids (Dad, Uncle Rich, Aunt Jill and Aunt Carrie) wanted all four of them to be together when Grandma and Grandpa's ashes were mixed, so I suggested doing it on the back on the Lil' Red Express. I think it was truly a moment they needed together for some final closure...and I know Grandpa and Grandma would have loved it. Then they all 4 piled in the Lil' Red, hanging on to Grandpa and Grandma, and drove up to the cemetery.

We had a graveside service for immediate family only, with a cookout at dad's for other family and friends afterward. When we showed up at the cemetery, the Pastor wasn't there yet, but we didn't think much of it...until he still wasn't there 15-20 minutes after it started. So we had my cousin, Houston, say some prayers instead. Part way through it, the pastor comes flying up the road blowing the horn, dumps his wife out, parks and starts apologizing saying that the post office gave him wrong directions...totally something Grandma would have found hilarious and probably had something to do with up there. I think she just wanted to put Houston on the spot and listen to him talk for a bit. My Aunt Janelle and Aunt Sis (grandma's sister) brought some white carnations, passed them out to everyone and as some people walked up and said a few words about them both, they laid the flowers at their stone. I had a millions things running through my head on what I would like to say about them, but I am not a public speaker AT ALL and knew I wouldn't get through 2 words without a meltdown. I waited for everyone to walk out, I sat and said part of my piece to them.

 

The stone has "59 Forever" in the top left corner as that is our family number, a red cardinal on the top right since Grandma loved birds and always said a cardinal was a sign that a departed loved one was near, it has 2 rings in the middle with their wedding date, then their names/dates on either side of that.

 

Once we left the cemetery, we went back to dad's house and prepared for the cookout. They had quite the turnout of family and friends. We had video playing of their pictures, asked for people to write down their favorite memories of them and let them take home some Forget-Me-Nots it memory of grandma. I thought they were fitting for her because she loved blue and loved her gardening.

 

 



It was great seeing everyone get together again. We especially loved all the "old timers" sitting around the table, telling stories about all the trouble they got into together and watching the younger generations just soak it all in.

I'm sure I speak on the behalf of our entire family when I say "Thank You" to everyone that came to remember them, to all of you that were always more than friends to my grandparents. They considered each and every one of you as family and we are extremely grateful for you!

My Grandmother, My Angel (Part 2)

I thought a lot over those two weeks on just how I would react when Grandma passed. I didn't really have much of a reaction though, it was just kind of numbing. Sure, I was upset that she was gone, but there were no tears. There was no crumpling into a heap on the floor, no screaming, no emotional breakdown...just a weird, numbing peace as we gathered up her belongings and walked out. It was strange having to leave her there, alone, waiting for the funeral home to come get her.

As we all piled her stuff into the cars, I feel like we were all thinking "now what?". For two weeks we had a routine, had the time to think about what needed to be done, but now that that time had come we were like lost, silent sheep looking to the next person to tell us what to do. I got in my car by myself, thinking about memories with grandma and thinking about the days driving around in her gold Duster, listening the The Judds while she drove like a bat out of hell. I started my car and the first song to start playing was The Judds...I cried the whole way back to dad's house listening to it on repeat.

The next couple of days we stayed busy finalizing her arrangements. We went through every room in their house for 2 days and cleaned it up; tossing the trash, donating the clothing and reminiscing over little things we would find. We found boxes of every card she ever received for like the past 25 years. Then we found boxes of love notes that Grandpa had written to her over the years and they were so sweet...I hope he's still writing and leaving her those little notes up there.

 

Finally the time to go back home came and that's when we all got emotional. Being at their house was kind of comforting. It is were I grew up at, it was my 2nd home as a child. It is where Grandma taught me to sew and cook, where Ladd and I built forts in the woods, where we took naps on the porch in the summertime, where we got on and off the bus at, where we ate breakfast and most dinners, where Grandpa fed the deer off the porch, where we gardened with Grandma, built 4-H projects with Grandpa, where I put together many puzzles with her while she listened to her gospel music. It's the only place I was made to be in bed by 8 on a school night and it still be daylight outside.

Locking up that door seemed to finalize the fact that she was really gone, that THEY were really gone. It left an empty feeling that trips back to NY were never going to be the same...

My Grandmother, My Angel (Part 1)

On April 16, 2016 our family matriarch, my grandmother aka 'Sarge', gained her wings...

For two weeks before that our family sat by her side, after the doctors claimed there was nothing they could do for her, and we waited for her time to come. I have to say it was a mixture of emotions, all at the same time...every single day for 14 days. Sadness that she would no longer be here. Happiness that she was finally getting her wish to be with Grandpa, as I believe her soul truly died the day he did. Pissed off that we were told she only had a matter of maybe 2-3 days and then we watched this God fearing woman go through what she did for 2 long weeks. Helplessness that we couldn't make things better for her, praying everyday that that day would be the day for her. Relief she wouldn't have to live on her own anymore, scared of every noise and not being able to sleep. Emptiness thinking about what the future days, months and years would be like without her here.

Even going through all those emotions, I felt a weird, calming sense of peace. I was at peace because I could be there with her. I got the chance to tell her what I wanted, to thank her for everything she did for me all my life. I was at peace because she got to make the decision to go, to not have any more procedures and testing done, to not be poked and prodded on. Even though she was not the same woman from a few months before, she was still 100% in her right mind to tell us what she wanted, and what she wanted was to go 'home'. I was at peace because she finally quit doing what she thought WE all wanted her do to and finally realized we wanted whatever she wanted.

April 16th was the only day we had left my grandmother by herself for any amount of time and I think that is what she was waiting for...she didn't want us to be there when she left this world. We received a call from the nurses at the hospital saying they thought it was almost time and to hurry. My dad only lives maybe 10 minutes from the hospital by way of back roads that you would be lucky to even see another car on. Well, on this day there was a wreck and then we were caught behind an ambulance all the way to the hospital. We all got to the room maybe 2 minutes too late, she was already gone. April 16th also happened to be the birthday of my brother's son, Cal, who is the only grandchild my grandmother never got the chance to meet. She had made comments about the fact she would never get to see him and wished she could get better to hold him. On my way to the hospital I received a text from my husband with a picture of Cal at his birthday party...it was sent 1 minute before the time of death the hospital had put down for her.

I'd like to think that ray of sunshine is her looking down on him, celebrating his birthday with him...finally getting to see him and wrap her arms around him.

Naked Feet & Peach Cobbler...A Yummy Combo!

Act #48 - I am friends with a guy, Rick Cope, on Facebook and he is all the time posting about benefits that they are throwing for different people. Most of the time they are motorcycle rides but he ALWAYS has a huge turnout, rain or shine. Well, I happened to catch a post about a benefit they were hosting for a friend of his, Joe Pothier, who is currently battling cancer. They were starting out at the Beer Barrel in Marietta, riding to a few more locations and then ending back at the Beer Barrel where they were going to have a band, raffles, food, etc. The location was supplying the meat for the BBQ lunch and they were looking for people to donate sides and desserts. I offered to make some pans of peach cobbler...something quick, easy and can feed a crowd! So that Saturday morning I woke up, made 3 pans of cobbler and met a lady at their church so she could take them down there. I have to admit, it was really hard not to take a big spoonful out of one of them!

 

 

Act of Kindness #49 - When it comes to babies, you should know that my heart melts...so when I heard that someone was struggling just to buy the basic needs for their baby, I immediately hit the grocery store and the baby aisle and tried not to buy everything in sight. After all, my husband might just kill me if I zeroed out our bank account! We did get baby food, snacks, diapers, wipes, juice and some baby detergent. I also hit up my friend Anna who has a little girl to see if she had any clothes she could spare since she has a daughter that was born in the same season. She more than helped me out by donating a couple of bags worth of pajamas, shirts, pants, blankets, etc. I forgot to take pictures of all of the clothes, but there were a ton! I packed everything up and took it to them and they were so grateful! I have to say, babies may melt my heart, but give me a baby with some fat rolls like the Michelin Man and you might as well just stick a fork in me!

 

Act of Kindness #50 - Like I said above, I love me some babies...but learning that a family lost their baby unexpectedly is truly heartbreaking. Around Easter this year I saw a picture come across my Facebook page that a friend of mine had liked. I was not friends with the girl that posted the original picture, but since a friend of mine "liked" it, it showed on my page. It was a beautiful Easter picture of a mother holding her son all dressed up in their pastel colors. Just a couple of days later, this same friend was posting about her friend losing their baby to SIDS...it took me just a minute to figure out it was the same baby I had just saw the beautiful picture of on Easter and I just started tearing up. I didn't know this family at all, but my heart was broke. This precious little boy was just 9 months and 11 days old. I just couldn't imagine the heartache that this entire family was going through! A couple of weeks later I saw that the family had set up a foundation in honor of their son AJ called The Naked Feet Foundation. They were collecting shoes to be able to provide a pair for every child that needed them. I immediately sent out an email to a couple of people and was able to buy a few pair to donate to their wonderful foundation. I just saw their Facebook page that said they have received over 1,000 pairs of shoes so far. It is so amazing that this little boy made such an impact on everyone in such a short amount of time. I know he is proud to be a part of something so great and his parents are amazing for turning such a tragedy into something truly wonderful in his honor!

 

 

 

  

O Captain! My Captain!

I am sure by now that everyone has heard of the passing of Robin Williams. I saw it first when I pulled up Facebook and saw the headline. Of course like most, I thought it was a hoax until I saw it was posted by WSBTV. I didn't want to believe it was true and then when I saw the manner in which he had passed, I was crushed.

How is it that a man who spent his whole life and career making the world laugh was fighting so many dark demons within himself? How is it that this man could put on a smile for the world every day but was slowly dying inside?

I have never met Robin Williams, but I grew up with him. I've laughed with him, cried with him, loved him, hated him and sympathized with him throughout his movies. I have loved every single movie I've seen that he was in, even those that weren't considered 'huge' hits. He put everything he had into what he did and truly became every character he played. So much so that after watching some movies, it was hard to put into perspective that it was just acting and he wasn't actually that character in real life.

It infuriates me to hear those that talk about suicide being "selfish" or the "cowardly way out". You have no idea what that person has gone through or is going through. Do I think the guy that committed suicide in jail while he was awaiting trial for raping and killing a little girl was cowardly? Yes, you bet I do. But what about a child that kills themselves for being bullied? What about someone that is so distraught after losing a loved one and would rather take their life than be without that person? Who are we to judge how someone feels and how they deal with those feelings?! There is only one person that has the right to judge and it is none of us here on Earth! I have known a couple of people that have taken their own life and I know friends who have had family members take their own lives. They have ranged from 17 years old to in their 60's-70's and all for different reasons, some of which are still unknown. Depression and suicide do not target certain people for any specific reason. It affects young or old, rich or poor, black or white, doctors, lawyers, homeless and yes, even comedians.

I do not know why his death has weighed on me so much these last couple of days, but I find myself thinking about it a lot and tearing up. I think it's just hard to comprehend and wrap my mind around the fact that he was fighting such a deep depression and could take his own life. To not be able to overcome that kind of helplessness and not be able to find the light is just heart wrenching. I just imagine someone so broken and feeling so alone. I would not wish that battle on my worst enemy.

The news said it best the other night when they said it was like the world just lost their favorite, funny uncle. In reality, the world lost their favorite nanny, a genie, Peter Pan, Mork, a therapist, a doctor, a professor and an awesome comedian. But most of all, a family lost a husband, father and friend. I hope you are keeping them all entertained up there Mr. Williams. I look forward to the laughter when I get there...

 

O Captain! My Captain! our fearful trip is done;
 The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won; The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting, While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:

But O heart! heart! heart!

O the bleeding drops of red,

Where on the deck my Captain lies,

Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! My Captain! rise up and hear the bells; Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills; For you bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding; For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;

Here captain! dear father!

This arm beneath your head;

It is some dream that on the deck,

You've fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still; My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will; The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done; From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;

Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!

But I, with mournful tread,

Walk the deck my captain lies,

Fallen cold and dead.

Mary Kay & Ice Cream Treats

Act of Kindness #46 - I am fortunate to have had a few people help me with my Acts of Kindness, or at least give me ideas to be able to complete them. I am friends with Jamie, who sells Mary Kay products, and she sent me an email to let me know that she was trying to help out a friend of hers that has cancer and had fallen on hard times financially. She was going to be giving all proceeds from what she sold from Mary Kay to her friend. I had never bought anything from them or even used their products, but I have heard nothing but good things about it...so I figured "why not?!". I can help someone out while also trying something different. Win Win all the way around!

Thank you Jamie for thinking of me, sending me the email, the extra little goodies, meeting up with me and the Thank You note!!! I hope you were able to make his day :)

Act of Kindness #47 - Jeff and I went took a camping trip to the Hiawassee River with some family last weekend. It was an awesome place! The sites were so clean and ours backed up right to the river, they had a nice pool and clean bathroom/shower facilities. We loved their office too! They had everything for sale that you would possibly need for camping and might have forgotten to bring. They also sold Mayfield ice cream cones and we took full advantage of that on Saturday night! Apparently so did half of the other campers that were staying there. While we were waiting for the lady to put our cones together, a little boy and girl came in and asked for 3 cones. She made ours, made theirs and then hurried to ring us up so she could get back to everyone else that was waiting. I went ahead and paid for the kids 3 cones too. One, because they were so cute as they were patiently waiting with their half melting ice cream. Two, the poor lady doling out the ice cream seemed to be getting frazzled with the amount of customers she was having to take care of by herself and I figured I would make it easier on her! The kids told us thank you and must have told their parents when they got back because they all waived to us when we drove by. Who doesn't love ice cream on a summer afternoon?!?

Angel Gowns - Act of Kindness #45

I have been completely slacking on updating this blog with my Acts of Kindness...but, better late than never I guess!

I had some help from 2 awesome ladies, Chelsea and Whitney, on Act of Kindness #45. I found an article (read here) about a lady that started a program called NICU Helping Hands Angel Gowns that makes gowns for babies that do not make it out of the hospital. The gowns are made from donated wedding dresses and they are given to families whose baby may have been stillborn or passed from complications. Here are a few samples of ones that they have made:

 

 

 

It was especially touching to me after following a blog  (Oh Baby, Baby) in which Holly describes her struggles to get pregnant, going through IVF, treatments, miscarriages and having to deliver and lose her twin babies at 18 & 21 weeks because of complications. Having to plan your child's funeral is hard enough, but the thought of parents having to bury their babies and not being able to find something decent to bury them in is just heartbreaking. After deciding I wanted to donate my own wedding dress, I posted on Facebook asking if anyone else would like to participate. Chelsea and Whitney both responded and wanted to give theirs as well. I have not sent them off yet because as I was looking up the mailing info, I found out that they need to be cleaned first before sending them...so I still have to get that done (and cleaners want a small fortune to do it!). Below are pictures of the dresses that will be mailed to the foundation (the pictures taken on my phone certainly don't do them justice!). I plan to add a note to each to see if they can email/send pictures of the dresses they make from these. I know all of us would love to see what our dresses were able to be turned into. Thank you so much ladies for donating your dresses!!!

 

 

 

This was my wedding dress...a little wrinkled after being stored inside the garment bag and in my hope chest for 8 years!

 

 

 

 The dress above came from Chelsea. I love the beading along the bottom of the dress. They will be able to make a beautiful dress with that!

 

 

This one was from Whitney. The blue would be perfect to add to a dress for a baby boy and I loved the bead work on this one too!

 



Whitney also donated her flower girl's dress